Long overdue list
Monday, August 20, 2007
When gore and goth authors like Anne Rice convert to Born Again Christianity, you start to wonder... when nothing surprises us anymore, what are we all here for then? What shakes us and affects us to the core? What wakes us up?
Just simple ramblings actually as I realize just how simple my life is. Simple yet very fulfilling. No credit to Anne Rice's conversion actually, just that we seem to be surrounded by a lot of crazy stuff all the time yet some of us seem to hold out on going totally insane. Especially here in the US where people of all kinds, colors and nose rings rub elbows with you, what seemed shocking is now expected. What was highly appreciated is now perfunctory. I write this because I do not see uniqueness anymore. Music has become so mainstream that as much as I admire Mandy Moore' matured voice and Hilary Duff's new found groove, singing about "that boy and how he broke her heart" makes me want to cut their cds to pieces.
So what really shakes me? What makes my blood circulate and my mind race?
1) My love for Hoen. I love him so much that I prefer watching him as he watches TV. There is something about my husband's face that I can't get enough of. At times I want to kiss and hug him until he melts but most of the time, I just want to look at him. Watching him sleep is another experience altogether. The snore used to ruin things but looking at him curled up like an actual baby, shiny white butt and all, makes me want to carry his son. I had never wanted to "stare at someone's face" ever before and I guess that's how I knew he was the one for me. He keeps me still and that makes me look forward to each day and minute that I spend with him. Last Friday, after the usual basketball practice, the gang gathered at Beth's for dinner. We stayed there until after midnight. The next day, I was crying and I didn't know why. It was only after that I realized that it was because Hoen and I weren't able to have our WE time last night, what with our dozenous friends around. I know it's corny but I really love our times alone. I relish it and I do the whole this-day-might-be-our-last bit.
2) The anticipation of having our family here in the US. Everytime we go someplace nice or when we're at a nice restaurant, we always says, "Sus, inig anhi nilang Mommy ug Mama, dad-on gyud nato sila diri. They would love this food." OR "Magpa-member gyud tah diri if they are around." Mama and Papa haven't been to the US yet as their applications have been turned down by the embassy a good three times. Mommy and Daddy might have lived in the US before but the rest of us were in Pinas. I would've loved to enjoy the US with them and I'm sure the same feeling goes for them. It is this anticipation, this longing for family that makes us daydream. As Mama would say it, "Libre bitaw ang magdamgo so damgo lang."
3) The thought of raising a family together. I, for one, am not quite ready yet to be a mother but we talk about having kids a lot. We imagine what if that couple across the table was us and how we would be taking care of our baby and how he or she would look like and where he or she takes after. As much as I love Hoen, I pray to God He doesn't give me a son as kiatan as he was when he was a kid. "Mas ki-at pa ni Juancho" says a lot. I actually dread it. Hoen finds it very funny. Siya gyud akong pagukdon sa iyang anak na igwad ug lobot. Hehe.
4) My friends back home. How I miss them so. They make me look forward to going home! I want to experience the-way-things-were with them even if dozens of things have changed and we live very different lives now. I want to see Doogie stroll with Isa at 5, 10, 15 years old. I want to see Buttwipe healthy and glowing and become a millionaire at the age of 50. I want to hear Leg's sex stories (ha! tough luck!) and witness her blow the minds of her corporate colleagues as she becomes VP of some internet company. I want to be a witness to their amazing future, being their cheerleader and all.
5) Megan. She makes me self conscious of what I should become. I think, "Knowing how much she idolizes me, I cannot screw up. I cannot let her down that way." A lot of things aren't right for her now-- her domestic situation is a huge bump, but I want her to get the best out of everything and everyone else.
It's nice to know and be able to jot down what stirs my life. Thank you, Anne Rice.
Just simple ramblings actually as I realize just how simple my life is. Simple yet very fulfilling. No credit to Anne Rice's conversion actually, just that we seem to be surrounded by a lot of crazy stuff all the time yet some of us seem to hold out on going totally insane. Especially here in the US where people of all kinds, colors and nose rings rub elbows with you, what seemed shocking is now expected. What was highly appreciated is now perfunctory. I write this because I do not see uniqueness anymore. Music has become so mainstream that as much as I admire Mandy Moore' matured voice and Hilary Duff's new found groove, singing about "that boy and how he broke her heart" makes me want to cut their cds to pieces.
So what really shakes me? What makes my blood circulate and my mind race?
1) My love for Hoen. I love him so much that I prefer watching him as he watches TV. There is something about my husband's face that I can't get enough of. At times I want to kiss and hug him until he melts but most of the time, I just want to look at him. Watching him sleep is another experience altogether. The snore used to ruin things but looking at him curled up like an actual baby, shiny white butt and all, makes me want to carry his son. I had never wanted to "stare at someone's face" ever before and I guess that's how I knew he was the one for me. He keeps me still and that makes me look forward to each day and minute that I spend with him. Last Friday, after the usual basketball practice, the gang gathered at Beth's for dinner. We stayed there until after midnight. The next day, I was crying and I didn't know why. It was only after that I realized that it was because Hoen and I weren't able to have our WE time last night, what with our dozenous friends around. I know it's corny but I really love our times alone. I relish it and I do the whole this-day-might-be-our-last bit.
2) The anticipation of having our family here in the US. Everytime we go someplace nice or when we're at a nice restaurant, we always says, "Sus, inig anhi nilang Mommy ug Mama, dad-on gyud nato sila diri. They would love this food." OR "Magpa-member gyud tah diri if they are around." Mama and Papa haven't been to the US yet as their applications have been turned down by the embassy a good three times. Mommy and Daddy might have lived in the US before but the rest of us were in Pinas. I would've loved to enjoy the US with them and I'm sure the same feeling goes for them. It is this anticipation, this longing for family that makes us daydream. As Mama would say it, "Libre bitaw ang magdamgo so damgo lang."
3) The thought of raising a family together. I, for one, am not quite ready yet to be a mother but we talk about having kids a lot. We imagine what if that couple across the table was us and how we would be taking care of our baby and how he or she would look like and where he or she takes after. As much as I love Hoen, I pray to God He doesn't give me a son as kiatan as he was when he was a kid. "Mas ki-at pa ni Juancho" says a lot. I actually dread it. Hoen finds it very funny. Siya gyud akong pagukdon sa iyang anak na igwad ug lobot. Hehe.
4) My friends back home. How I miss them so. They make me look forward to going home! I want to experience the-way-things-were with them even if dozens of things have changed and we live very different lives now. I want to see Doogie stroll with Isa at 5, 10, 15 years old. I want to see Buttwipe healthy and glowing and become a millionaire at the age of 50. I want to hear Leg's sex stories (ha! tough luck!) and witness her blow the minds of her corporate colleagues as she becomes VP of some internet company. I want to be a witness to their amazing future, being their cheerleader and all.
5) Megan. She makes me self conscious of what I should become. I think, "Knowing how much she idolizes me, I cannot screw up. I cannot let her down that way." A lot of things aren't right for her now-- her domestic situation is a huge bump, but I want her to get the best out of everything and everyone else.
It's nice to know and be able to jot down what stirs my life. Thank you, Anne Rice.
posted by maudester @ 2:24 PM
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