My MiniMe
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Sometimes I find myself staring out in space thinking of Megan. I miss her. I don't like missing out on her most crucial growth process. After years of living with her parents who adored each other and loved each other,well, the little home they made is now broken. And even though she doesn't say anything or do anything to suggest such, I know her heart is too. As much as I am biased being from only one side of the family, I cannot and should not criticize the other side because in a marriage (and I know this now), it really takes two to break that tango. Megan will be turning 12 years old come August and before we know it, she will be done with elementary school and be off to High School. Oh, High School. The things she will learn then. I dread the thought of her having to go through really tough times both in school and at home and she will have to adjust. She has no choice. But whose hand will she hold? Will my brother TRULY EVER be NOT busy at work? Will my mom be well long enough to watch over her? Will my Dad be likewise? What will happen if she doesn't get the right guidance? All these things I think about every so often. And I hate being so far away from her that I can't do anything. I have to wait for weekends so we can chat, or rely on her to open her email which she rarely does. I have always had a hold on her, she always listened to me, looked up to me and even now, I am the only person she is scared of. How I wish I could've had a long talk with her when we were still home but because it was still an awkward phase of her parents' situation, I couldn't meddle. I don't like not being able to do anything. I keep on giving my mom all these questions she cannot answer. I mean, who are we really? We are third parties... all of us. And this is not supposed to be our business. But Megan... no, she IS my business and I worry about her more often than I would like to admit. When we were home last month, Megan was already showing traits I had when I was her age. Locking up in the room, turning the radio on, or playing a record over and over again. That was what I used to do. While listening to music, I would write lyrics down, or read a book, but I always had some deep thought in my head like when I was going to die, how I was going to die and if I will ever be a Ninja.
That's how I know she's hurt. I can see it. I can see it even though she may not know its hurt she feels. But the fact that she's back at our house gives me a huge relief because then I know that she would have limited exposure to arguments, liquor, smoking and all things too vile for a kid her age. I pray always for her to be a good kid like always. I pray that one day, she will not have to lie to cover up what's really happening. I hope one day she will be free of problems. Lord, please make things work for her. She is a great kid. A talented one with EQ twice her age. And please, let her never forget that her Tita Maude is always there for her, regardless of the distance.
posted by maudester @ 12:50 AM
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