This isn't madness. This is Sparta!!!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
25 things you will learn from watching 300:
25. Leonidas yells only because his adrenaline is always rushing from all the damn exercise he must do.
24. Spartans bring only one apple to battle, and the King gets to eat it.
23. Spartans dug their wells really, really, really, really, deep.
22. If you have nothing new to say, just shout to make it sound impressive.
21. People in Sparta had excellent dental care. The Persians' insurance sucked.
20. Just because you're covered in chains doesn't mean you're eyebrows can't be waxed.
19. If you're horribly deformed, a wizard's hat makes all the difference.
18. Every morning, a Spartan soldier must go through an intense, 5-hour ab workout.
17. The Immortals stole their masks from the set of "The Last Samurai"
16. Turn your back on a Persian God and you will get a massage
15. You don't need a bow-flex machine to be a Spartan!
14. You kill a lot more people when you fight in slow mo
13. Watching ships crash is an equivalent of watching your team score.
12. Gollum and Faramir have a lot of explaining to do.
11. A spear to the head will kill a rhino but not a 10 ft tall man restrained by chains
10. Even though you've already lost some men, you should still count your army as 300 for the sake of the movie's title.
9. If you're going to be a traitor, don't walk around bringing the other guy's money.
8. When you give birth to a girl, pray she's ugly.
7. When you see a Spartan, don't go near a cliff.
6. Just because you're 8 feet tall doesn't mean you can't have a feminine side.
5. If a hunchback wants to fight the Persians, let him.
4. Shoot the messenger. It's cheaper than paying postage.
3. If you stand in the back row of a CGI army you can still hear the King's pep talk
2. Don't wear revealing clothes when your husband is not around.
1. If you are a Spartan without facial hair, you will get decapitated.
25. Leonidas yells only because his adrenaline is always rushing from all the damn exercise he must do.
24. Spartans bring only one apple to battle, and the King gets to eat it.
23. Spartans dug their wells really, really, really, really, deep.
22. If you have nothing new to say, just shout to make it sound impressive.
21. People in Sparta had excellent dental care. The Persians' insurance sucked.
20. Just because you're covered in chains doesn't mean you're eyebrows can't be waxed.
19. If you're horribly deformed, a wizard's hat makes all the difference.
18. Every morning, a Spartan soldier must go through an intense, 5-hour ab workout.
17. The Immortals stole their masks from the set of "The Last Samurai"
16. Turn your back on a Persian God and you will get a massage
15. You don't need a bow-flex machine to be a Spartan!
14. You kill a lot more people when you fight in slow mo
13. Watching ships crash is an equivalent of watching your team score.
12. Gollum and Faramir have a lot of explaining to do.
11. A spear to the head will kill a rhino but not a 10 ft tall man restrained by chains
10. Even though you've already lost some men, you should still count your army as 300 for the sake of the movie's title.
9. If you're going to be a traitor, don't walk around bringing the other guy's money.
8. When you give birth to a girl, pray she's ugly.
7. When you see a Spartan, don't go near a cliff.
6. Just because you're 8 feet tall doesn't mean you can't have a feminine side.
5. If a hunchback wants to fight the Persians, let him.
4. Shoot the messenger. It's cheaper than paying postage.
3. If you stand in the back row of a CGI army you can still hear the King's pep talk
2. Don't wear revealing clothes when your husband is not around.
1. If you are a Spartan without facial hair, you will get decapitated.
posted by maudester @ 5:58 PM
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